she was the darkest, fucking girl. solid and well built, with eyes tilted towards the earth that were as large and as vast as the sea. a crackle to her throat and a water logged brain. her head was always in the sea. always in the fucking sea.

and then one day I disappeared.

I am sad but not because of anything anyone did or didn't do. It's like, in my bones. I am happy at times, more so than before. It's only when I can't see the truth that everything turns melancholy, like those times with dragonflies and the setting sun.

I guess I hadn't realised how much you healed me back then. You had cured me of a bitterness that I can now see wedging itself back into my life now that you're gone. You had kind of healed that spot that made me lonely and I liked that about you. I just want to say thank you, for that.

I want to yell it. I want to yell Liar, Phoney, Fraud. I want to scream it and let it bounce off the blue sky and into your eyes, turning them multi-coloured-sadness.

It's like, you only realise now that you had been looking through rose coloured glasses and that everything you thought was magic was really all in your head.

Today I made scrambled eggs with basil, mushroom, tomato, spanish onion and fresh roquette. It was lovely.