sad little eyes Cecilia,
why are they so dark?
with your see-through cotton,
hands unmarked.
Flowers in your hair.
Traveling through the stars,
they never glitter for you.
Just rocks.
Rocks of time.
Why are they so dark?

I wonder all the things you have worn, eaten and all the places you have been, sat and all the times you have laughed, cried, fought, lived, died. I wonder and I don't even know you.

I applied for a job in a bookstore. I truly need money and how lovely would it be to work in a bookstore! My poverty has become a burden and if I wish to be independant then I just have to work. This a perfect opportunity.

Oh and today Sarah and I went to Williamstown and I ate a lovely salad with mixed lettuce, roasted tomato, avocado, bacon, cheese and a mustard dressing. It was mustard marvelous! I also had the most perfect Chai tea latte. They served it in a little teapot and it was real chai, not fake powder yucky stuff.

I was also feeling rebelious so I bought a Vanilla Coke after seeing the film '500 Days of Summer'.

There is a vastness tonight, Like a french song on a lonely night, that sort of thing, you know.
3 bagels and depression never did anyone any good.

There are little green leaves on the fig tree and I am eating peanut butter out of the jar.

My hands are so wrinkly and creased. I think it's a premonition of hard work to come.

The warm weather serves to remind me that all is fleeting. Memories. Meandering random streets, shorts, dresses, sweet smoke mixing with the afternoon sun. It is melancholy, but not desperate. You always feel so content and ponderous during it, afterwards it's just gone, it was always fleeting. You always knew it was, accepting that it will go, not thinking about it, just thinking about the people, warm and laughing, basking in collective contentment. Perhaps it is relentless, but it is hazy and we accept that. We accept what we love and what we hate and what we just can't fathom. I am sure today was to today but will tomorrow be tomorrow or will it be today? I truly enjoyed the day that was today and soon to be tomorrow and I really did enjoy my third McDonalds meal of the year.

Mum bought watermelon and honey dew melon and I am so happy about that. I ate the watermelon today, perhaps I will have the honey dew tomorrow. Well, after school is finished we are going away to a little cottage by the sea, where cocaine grows free and nobody wears shoes, I think that will be great. Life is so mellow right now. It is circular and hazy and with no future ahead of me I simply feel like laughing. I dislike art quite a bit, I realised what a waste of time it is. A waste of everything. What a ridiculous subject. That is a sum of nothing. I have never been that good at mathematics.

So so very sick. My mind is eating my body and that is sad. I never cared for dying, but being eaten alive, that's just horrid. Well I supose it's that fate or another, right? I have always been stupid and full of too many thoughts, half not even needed. Maybe we should all just stop pretending things matter, I think they'd all be much happier, and really it is true, stop caring and nothing matters.

Today something sad happened. I didn't feel like eating. Perhaps the world is ending.

This is what I ate today:

-Cereal
-tea
-tuna and salad roll (Rhiannon ate most of it)
-Orange and Mango prima
-Honeycomb flavoured milk
-tea
-pasta with tuna and spinich
-Salad
-tea

Is it sad that all I do is eat food, talk about food and discuss the virtues of food?

Everyone wanted to be her, how silly they all were. The sky will always change, you can be sure of that.