There is a late night thunder storm happening and I just want a cup of tea and someone to heal my ragged throat from too much abuse.

Just another shadow on my face.

I was just outside, enjoying the sun, which has been constant this week. I ate so many home grown carrots while I was out there and slowly, my younger years came flooding back. We used to run around under the sprinkler, picking carrots from the garden washing them with our fingers. Then the summer there was an abundance of strawberries, we'd spend all evening lying in the grass, with red faces and bare, grotty feet. The plum tree, they cut down, how many hours were spent up there? or jumping off? or climbing onto the shed roof? or getting stuck up there? Cricket in the street and melting icy-poles, hot asphalt and sea air. I always thought there were stages in life, but there aren't. It is all continuous and you don't magically grow up, you just flow with the seasons and change and never go back to grazed knees and ginger beer under the stars.

No more passing notes in class, no more sun filled lunches, sharing juice and almonds, no more skipping class, no more uniforms, no more meandering home, no more sad still silences, never will we smell the morning smoke on girls. I am not sad or regretful, just lost, that's all.

School is over and I am poor and almost 18.
oh dear what shall I do?

I am just so tired. We stayed at lol for so long drinking juice and sitting on that lovely aqua couch. Everything is disjointed and sun effected. I just wish I knew or didn't know. I think it is all in the mind and my mind is so very terrible.

They all have these little memories that are locked between the shafts of brain that convolute around and around. All I have is a generic letter and a broken brain.

I want to live on a Rainbow.

I have to go and hang the washing. I'll probably get lost looking at the sky or the borage that has grown tremendously. There is just so much, that's really just so little.

I Found a picture of Tata in the navi. When I look at old photographs I cry ever so much.

It has just rained. Little droplets are lingering on my eyelids. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes long enough to rememeber something more than words or phrases or the pain people carry in their little locked up hearts. Sparrows are on the lawn and it is green, and fresh and a little bit different from the last time I looked. It's raining again. Then it will stop. It'll continue until it decides it's had enough raining and stopping. You know what? Fuck it.

Little herbs floating in your lungs.

Today after school I just lay on the park bench for a while, then I went home.

This morning Dad bought white rolls for us. It was such a treat because we rarely ever see white bread in the house! So I made a cheese and butter role for lunch and it was so so great. I lay in the sun all lunch time and forgot that life existed. I wanted to skip art class so badly, but that sinister lady made me get up. It was terrible.

Sometimes I just hate the expressions on my face and wonder if you do too.

-Almonds
-Tea
-Ritz crackers
-Orange (peeled not cut)
-Tea
-Pizza shapes
-Sip of Aimee's Big M
-A bite of Lisa's peanut butter roll
-tea
-peanut butter roll (a whole one this time)
-savoy crackers with Vittoria's dip


Today in literature class I did no work and laughed quite a lot with Aimee and Lisa. I also fell into a sadness as I walked home. That's all, really.

This music makes my heart ache.

I sat in the sun all morning with a cup of tea and it was so lovely. Oh summer shall be marvelous!

A TOWN CALLED MELANCHOLY

It would make her happy, to be there. Warm with childhood memories, hot and long with fireflies and butterflies and dry, dry grass. The town never changed, it was her. She grew up and time changed and people changed and everything grew older than the year before and the town became known as melancholy not because it was but because she was.