There's not much to say.

My eyes feel as though they have been crying but they haven't, not really.

Yesterday was wonderful fun. A little insane and full of Alice magic. Pancake Parlour. It's Christmas Eve and I am trying to feel something. I am not sure I will or ever.

This morning I ate two apricots from the old tree and had a cup of green tea before hanging the washing in the morning sun.

Yesterday we went to Carols by Candlelight in Williamstown, drank beer and enjoyed watching the sky turn from pale to dark. Afterwards, we wandered to the Atomic Bar and bought gin and tonics. That's over now and I am waiting for something else to start.

Oh dear, I think this may be a problem.

A few things.
I am not sure,really.
but it rained.

The seasons were once quite clear. Now everything is the same.

Finally I can say I've been to Misty's Diner, chilli cheese fries and grape soda, how so very American. Oh, and White Rabbit.

It makes me ill to know I don't know myself at all.

It makes me ill to think how little I know you, or anyone.

Once there was a girl who wanted to be in the school choir, but they wouldn't accept her, because she couldn't smile.

Today I woke up on an unfamiliar couch with a sore neck and heart. Wandering around the old suburb was strange. Things change. The last time I walked down that street I was an eight year old child. I caught the train home early, I wasn't existing. Later, Thomas and I went christmas shopping and laughed a lot about silly things, that's nice, I didn't feel so lonely. I am giving up my bad vices, because I am finding it awfully hard to live as it is. I don't care.

A lot of stuff happened, a lot of stuff didn't, a lot went unsaid.

I woke up early today. 8.29am to be specific. Not too early. I am drinking green tea. Later I am going out for lunch with Leah and Julia, with 7 dollars in my pocket. Anyone for some water?

Today I woke up at 12.30 and ate a bowl of cereal. This afternoon I ate rockmelon.

Everything happens in such a small amount of time.

I am listening to Agnes Kain almost everyday. This addiction will only last until the next one begins. It's raining outside, maybe even inside. Ever since I was little, there were days when I just needed it to rain. Today is one of them. I can't explain it, really. It's a bit like my "Secret of Roan Inish" watching, It makes me feel, less desperate, perhaps.

Despite a bed, a blanket, the curtains shut and some melancholy music, my stomach still aches, my body is shattered and my heart lies in two.

Current read; Harry Potter & the Philosophers Stone. A few years to late? No. I was just biding my time, for greater things, only to find, they never come, so just read it. Get it over with, you'll feel better.

It's christmas in the city and my heart rings like a bell!

-Go to the library, get a new card, pay fine. damn. fine.
-Meet Lisa for Milkshakes.
-Sit at the beach for any extra time which I will most surely have due to my pathetic existance.
-Perhaps, clean my room.
-Throw out all my belongings, with the exception of my books and clothes. Who needs shoes?
-Epilate my legs, or just cut them off. Save us all the trouble.


THE END

Was it all a dream? . . .