I think your lungs are caves filled with sweet smelling flowers because your breath is like perfume.

I had peannut butter toast and it was great. I also own a laptop! Now I am going to have some tea with Mama in the cool afternoon sun.

Rainy morning in bed with words and thoughts, photographs and morning light. A hot cup of tea to warm my aching bones.

My lips and teeth are fushia stained with red wine and I feel my eyes might just be as red. The saddest part? The numbness wont last and I'll keep hoping one day I wont care.

Today I had painkillers for breakfast and a cigarette for lunch.

oh dear! I woke up sad today and now I wont eat for a week.

Today I made a banana smoothie for breakfast. I am going to meet Julia for chai tea soon and perhaps tonight I'll get drunk.

Today I woke up, washed my face and had a cup of tea.

I would like to live in the country for a year. Grow a garden and my hair long. Allow freckles to form on my chest and forget that being alone matters, because really it doesn't.

Oh! Late night baking. Rosewater and lavender teacakes, fingers crossed x

i waste my money on coffee and library fines.

today i went to work and wrote terrible poetry.

little heart,
i pick you up,
bury you deep,
in the ocean sand,
your blood will scatter,
the palms of hands,
and when i wake,
i'll hear the wailing,
sky lark.

we sit there forgetting we exist, until we remember that we do.

some days I am a better actress, that's all.

sadder than the drying dew.

What's holding me here? Perhaps it's some disgruntled form of hope and I keep looking and looking but the sky gets so large I can barely breathe. Then there are moths in my lungs, reminding me of the beat, the beat, and I am dying. I know it because no one comes out alive. Now I am thinking of the fox... one runs the risk of weeping when one is tamed... and I can't believe that I have been tamed or perhaps it's because I am weeping. So I am swimming, swimming up streams and dusk falls and I am quiet, I am cycling and the moths are suffocating me and I look up and see the water still, I see the swallows glide and I know, tomorrow I will wake up different.

I could be anywhere, I tell myself.

put the song on repeat and watch the walls turn dark.

sitting by the sea, smoking camels and wishing you were here.

So I did.

The sky is pressing on my head and it makes me want to chop my hair off.

Today I want to buy green and rosebud tea and a small book of melancholy poetry for the oncoming Autumn. I am having lunch with Lisa and then I plan to sunbathe in the afternoon if the sky remains golden.

She had roses in her hair and jasmine on her breast.

I chased a fox around the flooded lake just as the sun was rising.

The garden is withering, a bit like me.

Well it rained (what an understatement). It thundered and great balls of ice flew from the sky. They crashed and they burned shop owners hopes. Water soaked my wretched body as I waded the streets. The streets became rivers and my shoes expanded with water. Everything was flooded, everything was frantic, except me. I was swimming the streets and I felt as though we could have been washed away.
Things have settled now, the pressure has been lifted. There is an insanity in the air, the bugs are swirling like a hurricane. We could be in The Wizard of Oz but we aren't and the world didn't end.

I chewed a whole pack of juicy fruit gum at work today, hoped for rain, awaited a response from a university regarding mid year enrolments, ate cheese and biscuits for supper and have a pot of tea brewing.

all I can do is hope but music makes me sad and slowly kills me. I am sick of myself, goodbye.

My days disapear rapidly and I am left with an uncertainty and an empty stomach.

Sinewy arms of the world, took out my insides and left me hollow.

SCRABBLE.

First day off from work in what seems like ages. I had porridge for breakfast and a cup of tea. The sky is grey and cloudy. I just ate an orange and am drinking peppermint tea. Today I need to pick up my reservations from the library, call the doctor, meet Aimee and Rhiannon at creme and then meet lisa as we are making eggplant chips at my house and watching movies. I am listening to Cat Power and hoping it rains, because the clouds are heavy on my mind.

Slowly I am becoming a familiar face. One day they'll start calling me by my name, getting my coffee ready five minutes early, telling me about how they love the sky in the evening. Mostly, one day I wont look as though I am alone, even if I am.

Today was so cold, like easter weather and I wore a coat to work. I had a pot of tea for lunch to warm up and I almost finished reading "What's eating Gilbert Grape". Everything happened quickly and now I am even. There is a thought I have, which I can't define, but it makes me ill, if only I knew. I think that is all. The funny thing is, I always thought I had something but I didn't. We only have our thoughts.

I am faceless, see through, empty.
you are so full, full of everything I want.