I guess I hadn't realised how much you healed me back then. You had cured me of a bitterness that I can now see wedging itself back into my life now that you're gone. You had kind of healed that spot that made me lonely and I liked that about you. I just want to say thank you, for that.

I want to yell it. I want to yell Liar, Phoney, Fraud. I want to scream it and let it bounce off the blue sky and into your eyes, turning them multi-coloured-sadness.

It's like, you only realise now that you had been looking through rose coloured glasses and that everything you thought was magic was really all in your head.

Today I made scrambled eggs with basil, mushroom, tomato, spanish onion and fresh roquette. It was lovely.

Unfortunately darling, we can't go back. I wish I could love you again but to do that would be far too painful and why would I want that? The truth is, it was a little bit nice to hate you for a while but then I got bored. I always get fucking bored.

I guess, in the end, it doesn't matter what you were or what you did.

I just wanted to save this photo somewhere before they get rid of this computer, or something.

Today after class, I went to Block Place and spent my money on lonely Gin and Tonics because they are lovely friends to have.

I just got home from work and ate some vita-weats with cheese and am drinking white tea with rose petals. Another early start for class tomorrow morning. I am not used to this! Oh dear.

I walked everywhere we used to walk and did all the things we used to do, without you. It shouldn't matter, because nothing ever did, but now it just seems too. I am tears and tired lines. Broken fragments of the past are wedged into my heart. I don't remember who I am and it's so hard to not be boring once you have become it. I don't even think I know you.